Brother of late Fight Club member confirms current financial crisis just a continuation of Project Mayhem

Treasury Secretary demonstrates his evil triangle of doom

Washington, DC -- Amidst the current financial crisis, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson appeared on the Sunday morning talk shows to assure the public that Project Mayhem is well underway. Secretary Paulson is better known as the brother of famed Fight Club member, Robert "bitch tits" Paulson, who lost his life serving the first Project Mayhem nearly a decade ago.

"My brother died for something he believed in. Now I will complete his dream, even if it means I'll meet the same end," said the Secretary as he choked back tears on this morning's Meet the Press.

"I'm not worried because in death," continued the Secretary, "a member of Project Mayhem has a name - and my name is Henry Paulson. I just wish Bob was here with us."

Fight Club president Tyler Durden implemented Project Mayhem in a bid to bring about anarchy through an orchestrated collapse of the credit system and the financial markets. Authorities only learned of Project Mayhem when Fight Club members turned themselves in upon learning their leader was a schizophrenic psychopath who "heard voices in his head" and shot himself in an attempt to quiet those voices.

Fight Club maintained an official policy of silence and thus authorities were unable to learn of Project Mayhem ahead of time to prevent the initial phases. "You don't talk about Fight Club. It just didn't happen," a former member was quoted.

By the time authorities caught on, several banks and investment firms were already demolished by explosives and an expensive corporate art piece had suspiciously ended up in a Star Bucks.

When asked about the specifics of Project Mayhem, Secretary Paulson explained, "Well, the idea is to completely destroy the financial and credit markets so that everyone can have a new start. While Mr. Durden tried to achieve this through terrorism, our approach has been completely legal and capitalistic. The current panic on Wall Street has brought the market to near ruins. I figured the only way this could get any worse is if the tax payers are punished by paying for the bailouts while we reward the financial executives of these troubled companies with millions for their flawless execution of Project Mayhem. This transfer of wealth will repeat through many other similar schemes we have lined up. It's bound to destroy the credit-worthiness of the United States sooner or later."

Many pundits believe there was more to Project Mayhem than the Secretary led on. Secretary Paulson's wink and promised that a President Sarah Palin will reward those who support the $700B bailout come January has left many speculating as to the exact scope of Project Mayhem.